Fact or Fiction? Common Myths About Borderline Personality Disorder
There’s a lot of “fake news” out there, my friends. That includes fake BPD news in our communities. It’s important that we fight the stigmas and misunderstandings that exist about this disorder so that others have a better understanding of our lived experiences, can better support us, and stigmatize us less. In the end, it helps not only those of us living with BPD to understand the truth but people without it as well. Our friends, families, coworkers, etc.
So, let’s read the “fake news” and what’s true about borderline personality disorder.
#1 BPD isn’t treatable
While personality disorders are said to be “persistent across the lifespan” many people report a reduction in their symptoms so much so that their functioning greatly improves. With medication management (sometimes) and the right therapies many people would consider their disorder in “remission”. BPD is treatable, even if our arousal system is always more likely to respond to stimuli. For example, we might always have bigger feelings, become angry more easily, etc. but that doesn’t mean we act on those things in a way that is harmful to ourselves or others. In that way, BPD is very treatable.
#2 Only women have BPD
It’s true that women are diagnosed more frequently with BPD, but men and non-binary folks are living with this disorder just like women are. They are often underdiagnosed for a variety of reasons such as seeking treatment less, social acceptability for men of some symptoms rather than pathologizing of women for those same symptoms, etc.
So yes, women are receiving 75% of the BPD diagnoses, approximately, but it’s likely those numbers should be closer to 50/50 than 75/25.
#3 People with BPD are violent
While some people with BPD might present with challenging “behaviors” such as throwing things across a room occasionally (looking at myself here!), it’s harmful to assume that everyone with BPD has a tendency towards violence. It’s true, some people might, but that’s often because they were a victim of violence in childhood and this is learned behavior. Most people with BPD are working at learning coping strategies to improve interpersonal relationships so there is no abuse, emotional, physical, or other, of any kind between partners or themselves.
#4 People with BPD are attention-seeking
Oh, I love this one. What a fun assumption to have made about you. “You’re just attention seeking” is the most invalidating statement there ever was. Talk about throwing emotional safety out the window by saying that.
Here’s the thing. ALL humans have needs. Not just people with borderline personality disorder. Asking for our needs to be met is essential and it’s our right. Now, we might struggle with how to effectively do this at times, and it might present as “attention seeking” to you, but most people with BPD want to live a normal, happy life. They aren’t looking for attention or special treatment. They’re simply looking for stability.
#5 BPD only affects adults
While most people will only get their diagnosis in adulthood, borderline symptoms generally begin to present in adolescence, teenage years, and early adulthood. One study of BPD patients found over 60% experienced symptoms before turning 17 years old. The later a person receives a diagnosis, the more likely they are to have self-stigma, experience fractured relationships and more trauma, develop substance use issues, etc. This is why early recognition is so important. If parents can recognize these symptoms before someone turns 18 and can support their child in accessing therapy or treatment, they will be much better off emotionally in the long run.
#6 If you have BPD your relationships suck
I know SO many people with BPD who are married, have beautiful friendships, are parenting well, and are thriving within their families of origin. It isn’t easy, always, to have relationships with BPD but it is possible. We might be more prone to unstable relationships, but that doesn’t mean we have to stay that way. When we learn interpersonal effectiveness skills and heal our insecure attachments (at least that’s how I see it) we can have secure relationships with others.
My first marriage sucked. My second is flourishing. I am proof that doing the work works!
What to do when you hear the lies?
Speak up! If you hear someone with misconceptions about borderline personality disorder, try to speak up and advocate for yourself or someone else who is living with this condition. Sometimes we’re too exhausted to speak for ourselves and that’s okay. This is where I ask that people who are allies of us with BPD, speak up on our behalf.
