WTF is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria?
You know the feeling. You work up the courage to invite a new friend out for dinner or a walk and they say they have other plans. While they didn’t say “no” or “never” what we hear is “fuck no, never”. It’s excruciating and can land us in bed for several days or result in dissociation so bad it isn’t safe to drive. Insert rejection sensitivity.
There’s a term called rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) that is NOT a clinical diagnosis but is often associated with mental health disorders categorized by being a big feeler. For example, uh huh, borderline personality disorder. Other suggested disorders that are common are Autism and ADHD. So, what is it?
What is RSD?
Dysphoria is defined as a state of unease or dissatisfaction. People who experience RSD experience this unease when they are sensing rejection or disapproval from others. The rejection may not be real but rather perceived. I like to say with BPD “neutral is negative”. If the person isn’t showing true excitement to spend time with me then I assume they want to spend no time with me at all. Or even that they hate me and find me repulsive. It’s that simple and fast, even though it likely isn’t true.
RSD can present as experiencing intense emotions, avoiding social situations, struggling with perfectionism, presenting with irritability or anger, and resulting in low self-esteem. These are often disproportionate to the situation at hand. This separates “regular” feelings of rejection that we all experience from RSD. Something minor can result in these intense feelings and subsequent behaviors. A person might feel humiliated, worthless, or severe shame that another person without RSD wouldn’t likely feel. These emotions feel so overwhelming that they don’t even feel bearable.
Typical rejection vs. RSD
There are common feelings of rejection that are tied to clear situations such as being turned down for a date from someone you were really interested in. Being fired from a job you love might be another good example that could result in feelings of rejection. Being rejected or feeling rejection isn’t inherently uncommon. However, with RSD things such as a subtle tone, lack of feeling words, not responding right away or hesitation can result in severe feelings of rejection. Again, these are perceived and not inherently true. In fact, the other person might be quite excited to spend time with you but not have the communication skills to show it. You can see how this might result in super hard miscommunication and triggering of RSD. RSD also lasts longer than “typical” feelings of rejection. They linger or they begin to present physically, even. You might start to feel sick, stomachache-y, or feel a headache coming on if you begin to experience RSD. Everyone is different but these symptoms certainly aren’t limited to cognitive or emotional. They can absolutely extend onto the body. This manifestation, however, isn’t common for someone without RSD.
RSD vs. BPD
Here’s some key differences between RSD and BPD:
RSD is not a clinical condition, whereas BPD is
RSD is triggered specifically by rejection, whereas BPD involves intense emotions that can be triggered by many different scenarios. Rejection can be one of those scenarios but this isn’t inherently true
RSD lowers self-esteem but it isn’t found to truly fragment identity, whereas BPD involves a chronic identity disturbance
RSD typically results in temporary relationship distress, whereas BPD is marked by persistent difficulty in relationships
It is important we understand the ways in which we might be experiencing perceived rejection and the impact that has on our relationships and behavior. RSD is painful, like BPD is painful. Sometimes they are related and other times they are not related, meaning people with RSD don’t inherently have BPD and vice versa. However, if you do, I hope that you will find ways to soothe yourself if you feel rejected. It is painful but it doesn’t have to have significant impacts on your life.
